Friday, September 4, 2009

My Evolving Spirituality

Hail Everyone!

So sorry for my long absence! Long story short, I moved in with my dad and have spent a while getting myself situated and settled. Also, Coty has been keeping me busy watching a series called Legend of the Seeker in pretty much all of my free time. We just watched the finale on Hulu, and so now with this time I can begin blogging again! This blog is going to be about my spiritual changes that have been taking place. I am going to only consider the more recent paths, and discuss those in more detail. It may give you more insight into my spirituality, and allow this blog to be a little more relevant.

I began in Wicca, reading books and trying to hunt online, when I was extremely young. I grew up, and discovered my interest in Greek mythology, leading me to look at the Hellenic Gods as my home culture. Over the next decade, I was deeply devoted to the Olympian Gods and the worship of them inside of Wicca. There were little stops here and there, but never an extreme devotion to any other Gods. Apollo and Aphrodite were my Patron deities- through a series of dreams, ritual experiences, and meditations I had realized they truly were calling me into their arms. In the next decade, my spirituality grew leaps and bounds, in the care of these Gods. Every ritual, for a long while, was so rich and fulfilling, almost always bringing a shiver down my spine....but eventually, that magical feeling began to fade, until it disappeared entirely. It really could have been multiple things that caused this decay- my years of dedication, the surrounding factors of my life, or because I knew it was no longer where my heart was.

I found myself in a state of stagnation and stasis....where I experienced no growth. This deeply troubled me, given that I had not experienced that until my 17th year in this life. I was puzzled, and found myself neglecting to learn, to practice, or to grow. Anyone around me then will tell you that this is true-I withered. Slowly but surely, I began to feel called by my ancestral Gods, and the religious practices of my forebears. I purchased, shortly after Yule, Hollander's Poetic Edda and the Penguin Classics Prose Edda. At first, I was hesitant to jump in, probably because of the perceptions of Asatru that I had held for so long. Whatever the reason, it couldn't silence the call in my blood. So I began to read, and to learn. The stories were all so new, so fresh, and so rejuvenating to my soul. I was enraptured, and ever since I have been.

Right before the end of senior year, I worked on forging my own path blending Norse Paganism and Wicca- the path outlined in my previous blogs. I have read books on Rune Magic and Sagas, I have done meditations and ritual, I have had dreams and feelings, and now here I am. But the path I have outlined is not exactly where I am now....Wiccan influence is beginning to wane, and Norse Pagan flavor is certainly increasing. Pantheistic Soft Polytheism is starting to morph and evolve into harder forms...and it is not at all what I planned on. Spirituality has a way of evolving on its own, at least in my experience. I don't think I ever consciously made any decisions on where to go- I have merely been a passenger on this journey of souls. While I still respect Wicca for having been my spiritual home for a decade, it is not feeling correct for me now. I find myself considering the Wiccan Ritual structure less and less when I plan my rituals; I find myself shedding parts of it the further I travel along. And while it is slightly disquieting to me, it is vastly more intriguing. I cannot deny that within a full turning of the Wheel I feel I will likely not be Wiccan at all. I also don't think that I will be Eclectic like I have been, because that idea is becoming increasingly less appealing as well. I am pretty firmly rooted in my Northern Path, and it is definitely a place where I feel I can learn a broad variety of things.

That is the abbreviated story of my Pagan journey to right at this very moment. Looking down the road ahead, I have many places I see myself traveling. The Germanic people had various magical systems, and I am quite interested in learning in depth about each one. I am committing myself currently to understanding the practice of Norse Paganism, and the uses of the Runes as a divination and magical tool. After I feel like I have explored the Runic mysteries, Seidh would be an interesting place to look.

That about sums it all up. I hope this blog hasn't bored you entirely, and that maybe you have been able to examine your spiritual journey as well. Feel free to comment if you like, I won't bite.
A note for the interested- I am again prevented from performing my Full Moon ritual to Sif. My cousin is getting married and I will be busy all the next Moon is dedicated to Tyr and will be performed as scheduled. I have a lot of other blogs in the working, so be prepared to hear more from me!

Until next time,